I dont plan on having many double entries, but this is sort of something I feel like discussing with my self and my secrative audience.
Am I that cold?When the going gets tough, do I cry? Nope,
when things that should make a person cry happen do I cry? Nope.
The list can go on, I just dont cry, not often anyways.
So seeing as though those who know basically 2 things more about me than just my name know this of me. I have some form of expectation to live up to.
"Erika is perfect for the job, she doesnt cry" well what if I did?Just a sympathetic hug from me sets most family and close friends into hysterical tears and sobbs, so what do I do? I avoid hugs.
I am not a mooshy person, I do not overly express how I feel openly, and I'd be damned if I ever cried over an apple ( you know who you are lol) especially not in a crowd.
What would you all think if, behind closed doors, I had cried myself to sleep on a nightly basis? Over things I can not change, things I should have said, things I should have done???? What would you all think then?
Now, I know those of you who know me well, are saying, "Theres no way in hell she does that" and your right, lifes to short to worry about what you can not change and the difference between life and death is merely a breath, a thought, a heart beat, a tear. I guess I just fear that I died while crying over something I cant do a damn thing about.
Perhaps thats why I have built a wall so high around myself to never allow feelings out or in?? Just maybe.
Or could it be from my childhood? Dont get me wrong I had a great childhood, but I always was the "outcast" the "different one" the one who refused to follow for the sake of being "cool" perhaps all those years of ridicule from those around me, for expressing my true self has turned me into a cold stone. I still have ampathy towards several people I see every day. I do not pretend its alright, I have forgotten the words, but have not forgiven how you made me feel, and im sorry to those of you who may one day read this and say " hey I treated her like shit for nothing" and perhaps are feeling a bit bad about it now... its the truth.
Anyways, end that little slightly off topic rant...
Perhaps I should go against everything that is me, and start hugging more ( but I dont like the tears it creates) I should cry infront of people ( I may have to break my toes one by one to do it, but ask Mel, she can vouch for me, even with the pain of breaking my toe, not a tear fell...)
Perhaps, just perhaps I need therapy??? There may just be something wrong with me.
End quote from this session...
" I do not fear death, the way I see it is its like getting out of one car and into another" one of the Beatles said this not sure which one, heard it on the radio today.
6 comments:
Naaaah. Did you know that on average, women who cry in public make far less money than women who don't? I heard that a couple weeks ago. Apparently, we live in a world where tears, at work especially, set the crying woman back a few decades in women's lib. So ok, it goes two ways- if you cry, you're not going to be rich, but if you don't cry, they're winning. They're stifling our emotions...
In the end, if you're not crying because of your image or you're not crying because it hurts to much, you have a problem. Freedom isn't crying, but it's having the ability to cry if you need to, no strings attached.
*shrug*
hmm..
feeling as though i may have stepped on some toes... which i didnt mean too..
as for the apple? f*ck you :P lol.. one word.. HORMONES
its not easy being on this side of the tears either.. lol.. a f*ckin apple.. like, what the hell?????
and not all of your hugs set off tears.. most of your hugs come at times when tears are needed..
Your drunken "i love you' hugs dont set off tears. Laughter? maybe.. confusion? definetly :-)
but that is you.. cold? i wouldn't use that word.. maybe self-protective?
and yes.. because you dont always cry.. it does sometimes make you perfect for the job.
You are so human and don't even know it! grin. Great blog btw... i linked you, hope that's ok!
yeah. how come we can't post comments no more? waaaaaaah!
I dont know why you cant post comments... must be my settings?? Im a NewB! Sheesh... cut me some slack.
At any point someone can chime in with the setting I should be changing *wink wink*
So you go to "Settings", "Comments" and then make sure "Comments Default for Posts" is set to "New posts have comments"... I think that ought to do it...
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